loner-witch:
Just a little memory dump here, but stuff like the fidget spinner abuse bs has been happening since the fidget spinner was a thing.
Kids werent allowed to play with pencils, if we were caught fidgetting with something it was taken away and seen as a distraction.
I distinctly remember throughout highschool I was having an extremely hard time focusing BC of my ADHD, so I started attending classes with one headphone in and my music on the lowest volume setting possible. I got in trouble time after time after time and I kept getting told to keep it out of my ear. Of course I didn’t listen and kept doing it, because it helped me focus and I wasn’t gonna let kids that used it to ignore class get in the way of me being able to function.
Eventually my teachers gave up trying to make me stop and eventually also realized that it was improving my grades, so I was left alone as long as I was functioning to standard.
Word traveled around through the school staff (because they loved me for some reason and knew what i was going through at home) and basically teachers were told to give me a pass on one ear buds and sitting wherever, as long as i paid attention to class. And to confront me if I started having issues.
In my forensics and chem class I had a horrible time sitting at those tiny desks so I talked with my teachers and I was allowed to sit at lab tables where I could stretch and shake my legs noiselessly, and also gently swivel on the seat to stim (lab tables always had those flat circular swivel chairs).
I was sitting at my chair in chem one day and the entire class got stopped because kids had started seeing me sitting at the table and on the lab chair and tried to follow suit, but were only doing it fuck around and ignoring class. One kid had successfully joined me at the lab tables because he too functioned and focused better sitting back at the tables. Fair enough.
My teacher Mrs.Reals gave an entire ten minute speech about how we were allowed to sit there because we paid attention to class and got work done and didnt fool around, and that other people weren’t allowed to sit back there because A: they didnt ‘need’ to, and B: because they were only doing it to fool around and ignore class. After that, I got nasty glares from kids for the rest of the semester and half my class hated me for functioning differently, and them not being able to capitalize off it.
Another instance was during my forensics class where I discussed with my teacher Mrs Adams if I could use my ear bud, and we both agreed only if I were to pay attention. I proved I would, and was allowed to.
One day we were watching a cold case and dissecting it and taking notes, and out of nowhere she paused it and pointed in my general direction and said “ear bud. Out. Now.”. My stomach jumped into my throat and I reached to take it out and she said “not you –omitted–. David. Ear bud. Out.”. And David had the absolute ballsacks to say “but she’s allowed to!! That isnt fair!!” And Mrs.Adams promptly said and I quote “she is allowed to because it helps her focus and she actually gets her work done. Her grades prove it. You dont. Your grades prove it. Give me your phone.”. And for the rest of the class I could feel his eyes burning through the back of my head and Mrs.Adams (who was seated directly in front of me) just occasionally told me I was okay and she would handle it.
Thankfully where I went to school, the teachers liked me and understood that I needed to do things differently from other kids and that others did too. A lot of schools arent like that and couldn’t care less about defending their neurodivergent students.
So the tldr here is; neurotypicals, please take note: if you cannot function properly doing the things we do to function in class, please to not ruin it for us for the sake of ‘equality’.
If you can do it and it helps you, I fully support you. And you help normalize it for us, so that’s great too.
But please dont try to screw other kids over because you think it’s an easy way to get out of doing school work and to distract yourself from class, because then it ruins it for everyone. Especially kids like me who would suffer otherwise.
I’m 30. My son is 7, lives in Canada, and goes to a really good school. If you want to listen, I’d love to talk about some of the ways school is helping him suffer less then I did.
- There are a variety of chairs around the room – rocking, wobbling, stools, little backs that sit on the floor as a sort of half seat. All kids are allowed to try them. If one helps/doesn’t distract you, you’re allowed to use it.
- Same with fidgets. They sit in a basket, and can be freely taken, or a teacher will hand you one. My son isn’t allowed the skooshy balls with rubber hair, because he pulls the hair off, but plays with a bendy segmented snake. Other kids have similar allowed/not allowed rules.
- HEADPHONES! Everyone is allowed to try noise cancelling headphones if they want. I sometimes see a kid wandering down the hall casually wearing a pair. It’s normal!
- He’s Autistic AND has ADHD. It sucks. Sometimes he gets violent and aggressive with the staff. This makes the other kids nervous. So while he was gone one day, they did a teaching segment about Autism and the challenges he faces. Explained the reasons for his behavior and tried to make it seem logical. They also have him in a quiet room when he’s doing things he doesn’t like, so students don’t see possible melt downs. The staff want to avoid situations where the class sees him acting in ways that make them uncomfortable.
- When he gets aggressive, the staff tries to figure out why. He isn’t a ‘bad kid,’ they assume there’s been a trigger that can hopefully be eliminated or alleviated.
- Kids are buddied up with him. Calm, patient kids who like people unless there’s a lot of reason not to. They do things together that are likely to go well. Hopefully they have fun.
Everything is being normalized for the neurotypical students. My son’s needs are being met. A half dozen specialists are being contacted to provide advice.
In high school, I had a little skateboard I made out of lego. I held the wheels and spun the body around and around, endlessly. I hid under big sweaters to limit sensory overload. I ate to keep my body busy and head functioning.
In elementary, all I had was my textbooks. I solved every question in the math textbook to keep from going crazy. But I also cut up a kid’s book because he was bugging me, slapped a boy in gym class, and spend every day crying while I walked laps every recess.
I made my own support. Not very well, and people thought I was weird, but I did my best.
A lot has changed in 20 years, and my son might have it a little better.