is your blog safe for asexuals/aromantics?

sohotthateveryonedied:

forwhateveryouwant:

FUCK YES

Also while we’re on the topic I really like the idea of Tim or Jason being ace or aro. Thoughts anyone?

RAISE YOUR HAND IF YOU’RE HERE FOR ASEXUAL JASON TODD BECAUSE I KNOW I AM

For some reason, I pretty strongly believe Jason should be alloromantic. (Other people with other headcanons don’t bother me at all, of course.) But asexual Jason is actually a pretty cool idea.

I’ve written several times about aro/ace Tim. I like him aro/ace, I like him with trauma making sex complicated, I like him wanting to wait until he feels ready. There are so many possibilities for him!

forwhateveryouwant:

Duke: so, i hear you’re one of the most dangerous heroes there is?

Tim: i am

Duke: you don’t really give off that vibe

Tim: i can kill a man without lifting a finger. Watch this

Tim [enters kitchen]: hey Dick is it gay if it’s only hand stuff

Dick: wHAT [chokes on cereal, has to be given the Heimlich maneuver]

Tim: see? Don’t fuck with me, Duke

About a week ago, @alloverthegaf, was talking about how
confusing it was to want relationships, but also be turned off by them. I’ve
been thinking about that a lot.


I’m aromantic-asexual (don’t experience romantic or sexual
attraction). I’m not sure how much of that orientation is an essential part of
me, and how much is shaped by my experiences. In the same way, I’m not sure how
much akio/lithoromantism (feeling romantic feelings, but only in the abstract,
or if they aren’t reciprocated) is shaped by experiences. I don’t think it
really matters. All three labels might resonate with you, or maybe the feelings
associated with one (or more) are more like a trap you don’t want to define
you.

(Note: I compare identity and trauma here. If discussion of mental health and sexual/romantic identity together is upsetting to you, this might not be safe to read.)

Relationships have a lot of components. Discomfort or fear
can come different sources. Sometimes it can be helpful to examine your
emotions and feeling about these individual parts:

Friendship – Do you have trouble forming bonds with people? Don’t
really enjoy their company? Tend to drift away from people easily or often?

Trust – Is it hard for you to believe other people? Are you
always worried about what others think of you? How are you at being vulnerable?

Commitment – Are you comfortable making promises, being
relied on to help with long term goals, or being unable to change plans without
someone else’s input?

Physical proximity – do roommates drive you crazy? Does the
idea of having to share a bedroom, or see someone EVERY DAY, make you anxious?

Sex – Do you fear, or are you disgusted by sex? Are you
worried about being pressured into something you don’t want to be? Do you feel
sex is necessary for love?

Romance – Do romantic gestures confuse you? Are you uncomfortable
with poetry, flowers, and big emotional displays? Do you feel like you’re doing
relationship wrong if you don’t like anniversaries?


I found romance a huge turn-off, trust and commitment terrified
me, and I ended up being neutral about sex. So, I got counselling for the trust
and commitment issues, found a guy who didn’t understand romance either, and
muddled through the sex until I figured it out.

For me, ‘lithoromantic’
isn’t a label I wanted, even though the idea of a relationship being
reciprocated terrified me. It wasn’t really me, it was about fear.. ‘Aromantic’
and ‘asexual’ were me, though. They weren’t things that made me feel broken, or
came up in therapy when I dealt with my issues. Yes, I was pressured into sex
by a peer as a preteen. But having issues doesn’t mean everything about you is
a disorder. My asexuality was a part of me long before my trauma.


You have to figure out for yourself what parts of
relationship aren’t for you. Some people don’t want sex because of trauma, but desire
to get to a place where they can enjoy it. Others never want sex, but feel that
their terror at making promises is harming them. Maybe you can be comfortable
in a relationship, but only with separate living spaces and a great deal of patience
as you learn trust.

The important thing, I think, is to figure out the why of
your feelings. Then you can decide what to embrace, what to reluctantly accept,
and what you want to work to change.

Note: I am REALLY not saying that these identities are mental issues. What I’m trying to say that relationships are confusing and different orientations can make them even more so. Also, mental health issues are common, lots of us have them, and they affect every aspect of your life. Learn to understand yourself and make things a little easier.

 (Also, therapy is the best thing ever.)

How do you tag ace pairings? I have a lot but i don’t want to disappoint people who are here for smut.

ao3commentoftheday:

use the & to denote a ship is platonic

use / to denote a ship is romantic/sexual 

[I remember this because that’s where “slash fic” gets its name]

If you’re worried, I’d make it clear in the summary as well. A lot of people don’t know about the difference in the two ship tags. But for the record? There are a lot of people out there who love fic without smut 🙂

There doesn’t need to be sex for it to be romantic. Domestic fluff is also in the tag. ‘/’ Applies to relationships even if they involve an asexual or aromantic character.

If someone involved is aromantic-asexual (like me), or if the relationship is queerplatonic, I can see that sometimes the line might blur. Still use the slash, though. 

My marriage is a relationship worth a ‘/’, even though I am not romantically or sexually attracted to my spouse. (9 years of marriage, 2 kids, and a ridiculous amount of love.)

The thing is, most people don’t use ‘&’ tags. So you’re more likely to severely disappoint a gen-fan excited to finally see something in their tag, only to find it IS romantic. 

naamahdarling:

sulphur-crested-cocktease:

shidgephobe:

wrotemyown:

araceil:

denaceleste:

nwcostumer:

wrangletangle:

beatrice-otter:

tomato-greens:

joestrummin:

i didnt realise ao3 was started in response to lj deleting account relating to p//edophi|ia and they explicitly support the posting of such works yikes

it wasn’t, like, ~~~we luv pedophilia, it was way more complicated than that!

although it’s true AO3 does allow all fannish content provided it’s properly warned for, there’s a long history there – of spaces being used by fans until the host decided whatever we were doing was too weird and distasteful and either kicking us off, banning certain content, or changing the nature of the site until it was no longer viable as a host.

you’re referring to the LJ Strikethrough of 2007, which, being an ancient crone, I lived through, and since I was hanging out in the last vestiges of SGA and in bandom, I saw some of the fallout. this was before LJ was sold to the Russians (which is a whole ‘nother story), when it was still owned by Six Apart; in an effort to clean up LJ’s act, Six Apart decided to delete all accounts using tags like underage, incest, rape, etc.

this was supposed to get rid of actual child porn on the site, and I hope it did, but it also targeted fan communities. this was a problem for a couple reasons; for one thing, not every story tagged with these words is in favor of them; for another, these things happen to real people and these personal posts were also potentially in danger of being attacked; for the last one, look, I ain’t into this kind of fic but people write about what people write about, and if it’s fictional and not explicitly banned in the TOS (correct me if I’m wrong; I don’t think written content about this stuff was banned?) then it’s not cool for a content host to just start deleting communities without warning.

but that’s what happened! these deletions were also primarily targeting slash communities, which smacked of some serious homophobia since things were deleted that had nothing to do with any of this kind of content.

eventually someone found out it was this super conservative religious group who’d sent a list of journal names to Six Apart, and who if I remember correctly targeted slash fic on purpose, even after it became clear that the fic was, well, totally fictional. after a while, Six Apart admitted they’d made a mistake and started to reinstate journals, but all of fandom was pretty shaken up.

THEN Boldthrough happened, which was essentially the same debacle several months later, at which point fandom began its long slow migration from LJ to GJ, IJ, and eventually AO3, Twitter, and tumblr.

AO3 was opened in 2008 in response to several incidents, of which Strikethrough was a really intense one. remember, also, that back in 2008 the stigma surrounding fandom was significantly greater and more shameful than it is today, so finding hosts willing to archive fic was difficult unless someone had the dough to pay for server space – often not an option. this was also back when fanfic.net’s HTML restrictions were so great that users couldn’t use any special characters or bold or italicize anything, and it didn’t allow R-rated content, so it was clearly not ideal. in addition, although cease & desist letters were much less common than they were in the early 2000s and before, DMCA takedowns were still a phantom on the horizon.

LONG STORY SHORT, even though pedophilia is reprehensible and I personally cannot stomach fanfic that involves that kind of content, AO3 was founded specially as a safe space for fandom communities that could not find homes elsewhere. it requires warnings precisely for that reason, and if you find a story that is not properly warned, you can alert the admins and get the story labeled appropriately.

IDK, maybe it’s just because I am, again, ancient, but I was in and around fandom before homosexuality was legal in all 50 states. so were most of the people who started AO3. for most of my formative life, being gay was associated with pedophilia, and so was writing about gay characters. just – it’s a lot more complicated than you might expect, and there’s a reason many older fans who have been involved in several generations of fandom were so grateful to have AO3 as an option.

I don’t read, for example, Hydra Trash Party fics.  They squick me, and I generally feel they are pretty gross.  But writing noncon body-horror is not the same as saying “yeah, I totally want to go out and rape and torture people for years while brainwashing them!” or even “yeah, I wouldn’t do it myself, but it would be totally okay if someone did!”  Nobody is hurt by it, and nobody is going to be hurt by it.  So should I have the right to go, that is gross, you don’t get to write or read that?  No.

In the same way, writing about underage teens getting it on–sometimes with each other, sometimes with adults, sometimes consensually, sometimes not–is not the same as child pornography, nor does reading a fic about Hermione and Snape getting it on while she was his student mean someone thinks that would be a good and/or healthy thing in real life.

Fiction affects reality, but fiction is not reality.  And writing about something does not mean you want to do it in real life, or believe that anyone should.

Let’s take a closer look at that “Ao3 supports pedophilia!” shall we?

1) The only fics I have ever come across that had actual pedophilia (i.e. someone having sex with a child), it was clearly and explicitly abuse.  It was not meant to titillate or arouse.  It was meant to horrify.  It was seldom explicit.

2) There’s a lot more incest, but it is usually portrayed either as explicitly mutually consensual (i.e. Sam/Dean) or as abusive.

3) I’ve been in fandom for a decade and a half.  When people start getting upset at “omg pedophilia, think of the children!” the fics they are usually objecting to aren’t actually pedophilia.  Usually, it is teenagers having sex, especially queer sex.  And people don’t like that, and use pedophilia as an excuse to shame people for writing/reading sex they don’t like.

Let’s look closer at Strikethrough, shall we?  I hope that, if there were any communities of actual pedophiles on LJ, they got taken down, too.  But here are some of the communities that got taken down that were not in any way supporting pedophilia and/or rape and/or incest that got taken down:

1) at least one support community for survivors of sexual abuse.

2) a literary book discussion group that was reading Lolita.

3) lots of slash fanfic communities, for things like Draco/Harry fic set in their fourth year (when both boys would have been 15).

Basically, this very conservative “family values” group hated porn, and they hated queer stuff even more, and used “but think of the children, it’s pedophilia!” to pressure LJ to get rid of huge swathes of things they didn’t like.  And one time taking down the worst of it wasn’t good enough for them.  No, this was step one on a moral crusade.  If you acceded to their demands, all that did was whet their appetite, and soon they would be back with a new list of demands.  This is why the 2007 strikethrough was not an isolated event, but rather one of a series of events, nor was LJ the only website thus targeted.  It starts with anything that can get labelled “pedophilia” or “incest” because that’s low-hanging fruit.  But they use that to go after anything relating to queer teen sexuality.  Then anything with teen sexuality.  Then once the community is already divided and diminished, they go after anything with non-con.  Then whatever is next on their list.  It doesn’t stop until they’ve won the point and nothing but suitably “family-friendly” fics that match their purity test are allowed.

Which is why AO3 has no morality content in their terms of service.  You can’t break copyright beyond fair use (and AO3 has an expansive view of “fair use” and a team of lawyers on call).  You can’t use AO3 for commercial advertising.  And you can’t post ACTUAL child pornography, i.e. the things that are legally prohibited, i.e. actual photographs or videos of actual children (not teens) in sexually explicit positions–you know, the stuff that actually hurts kids.  Other than that?  It’s fair game.  You can post anything you want, and the archive will not judge.  There is no handle for the Moral Majority Family-Friendly Thought Police to latch onto, no cracks they can exploit to divide and conquer.

We’ve been down that road.  It doesn’t lead anywhere good.

Reblogging this for the excellent explanation of what exactly the moral crusaders did last time. They had an explicit agenda of anti-queerness, and they specifically targeted slash and femslash communities in particular, such that many ship communities became (or started as) deliberately members-only. You had to apply, and your personal blog had to look like a real person and a fan. You were vetted, a la 1990s private servers.

During this period, Dreamwidth was also targeted by attacking its payment processor. They had to get a new one. These “Warriors” (literally called themselves that!) were totally on board with destroying fandom as a side effect of destroying the parts of fandom they didn’t like.

If you’re carrying out harassment of people right now because they’re posting works with sexual elements you don’t agree with? (And it’s always sex, never non-sexual violence, how strange….) If you’re doing that, you’re also totally on board with destroying fandom as a side effect of destroying the parts of fandom you don’t like. Because your tactics are fandom-destroying, and so is your agenda.

reblogging because this is important: strikethru and boldthru and all the various “purges” that fandom went thru about 10 years ago: this had to do with OUTSIDERS deciding that fandom in general and fanfiction in specific were evil and needed to be destroyed; unless we were writing and shipping good vanilla M/F married people. These were outsiders, going after fictional writing about fictional characters.

AO3 and OTW are HUGE, because now we have an organization, with very smart women and a lot of lawyers, that have our back. Fannish history is important, people! It has not always been this way.

This is so, so important: there’s that other post about AO3 and fanfiction floating around, about our history. People decry violent video games but no one is trying to force companies out of business. But people can and do attack fanfiction: an activity primarily written by women for women, about fictional characters. And often about sex. We have to constantly defend ourselves, protect ourselves, support each other against charges like “paeodophilia”.

^^^rebageling again for excellent commentary

Throwing this in because I was also present: This was during the American Government’s attempts to pass censorship laws on the internet. As MOST of those domains had their serves in America, they were beholden to those censorship laws. A great deal of fanfiction.net was removed because they happened to lose a goddamn courtcase. I’ve been on the site since 2002. They may not have ‘officially’ allowed NC-17 rated content (what it used to be listed as in the filters), it never did a damn thing to remove it. Ever. They had it listed as a rating option during ‘New Story’ uploading after all. It was i nthe search filters. After they lost the courtcase however, they legally had to start doing things about the mature content reports they got. The admins and mods were not actively looking for fic to remove, they were just responding to reports they had already received. 

tl;dr – I know tumblr is all about black and white “you’re either all right or all wrong” thinking, but it’s important to understand what actually happened before going “ew ao3 was made to give pedophiles a safe place to post” because that is 110% not what happened.

This is why so, so many of the comparatively older fannish folks on tumblr like me are so vehemently against stuff like the anti movement and “all ships are valid UNLESS”. It smacks of censorship and content policing – and we’ve been there. We got our shit deleted and our accounts banned because someone else thought what we were reading or writing or talking about needed to just… not exist. No warning. Literally overnight. We just woke up and stuff was gone.

And yeah, the group was legit called Warriors for Innocence (or maybe of). I knew several people that were members of survivor/support groups that lost their groups – and their main support network – when Strikethrough happened (ten years ago holy shit).

You antis need to listen when us older fans tell you that the censorship you’re advocating for, when put into practice, is NOT a positive thing; it’s an extremely scary thing!

I can guarantee that you would be very, very upset if another event like LJ Strikethrough were to happen today because *you* are just as vulnerable as the rest of us! If you support the rights of marginalized groups of people, if you’re a slash or fem slash shipper, if you support gender identities that aren’t defined by biological sex, if you care about representation, if you support women, if you have any kind of kink, if you care about fandom in any capacity beyond its eradication, YOU DO NOT ACTUALLY WANT THE SORT OF CENSORSHIP YOU’RE ADVOCATING!!

People were terrified during Strikethrough.  I was there.  Communities were being shut down, individual users were being shut down.  People were losing access to their own fics, their feedback, their comments – a LOT went on in comments on LJ.  Think more coherent reblogs, much more personal, very widespread.  Comments were also very important, and in terms of networking/communicating, were absolutely critical.  

LJ was, for many people, central.  

It was a fundamental part of the infrastructure of fandom at the time.  

Having it attacked, having parts of your fandom’s territory just deleted like that, was very very scary.  People didn’t know who was next.  Every day, the list of stricken journals grew.  And not all of them came back, not all of them recovered their content.  Some people even voluntarily deleted their content as a form of protest.  It was a bad time.

You do not have to interact with fic that grosses you out or makes you uncomfortable.  Tagging is a thing.  And even outside of tags, you are responsible for curating your own fandom experience.  It is not right to expect it to be curated for you.  And it is not right to lash out when someone refuses to do so and expects you to walk away from things that do not concern you.

I was gonna say “things that don’t harm anyone” but I realize you can argue that.  If you get triggered, that’s upsetting.  That could be considered harm.  And I have sympathy for that.  I do.

I have run across fic that triggered me.  I have pretty specific triggers, and people don’t always think to warn for them because they aren’t that big a deal for a lot of people.  Or it’s sort of bundled into kink and is presumed, that if you’re okay with certain kinds of kink, you’re okay with this.  So I’ve been blindsided by it before.  And it sucks for a couple of days while I get over it.

That was not the fault of the authors! You could argue that tagging should have been used, and maybe it should, but ultimately that’s not an ironclad obligation.  It’s a tool people provide out of courtesy.

That was not the fault of the site!  The site is there to give authors a way to make fiction available, not to judge each work and interrogate its validity and make sure everything is tagged so that nobody has to see anything bad, ever.

That was not even my fault!  It was my responsibility to try to curate my experience, and I tried, but it wasn’t my fault because I didn’t deliberately set out to trigger myself.

When I get triggered, unless it is by a deliberate act, it is actually the fault of the people who hurt me in the first place! And I refuse to let them off the hook and blame perfectly innocent people who just wanna write their fanfiction! I may hate that fanfiction, but that is irrelevant to the question of whether or not people should be allowed to post whatever they want.

Also, some people cope by writing about fucked-up shit.  My best friend in the whole wide world has shared her fic with me, and HOO BOY it is messed up. She wrote it during a time in her life when she was in and just coming out of a horrifically abusive relationship.  I mean, it was exactly the kind of relationship all of us here on Tumblr love to hate.  She was married to a shitty, abusive man who preyed on someone younger than he was and used his influence over her to treat her in a way that would be right at home in that Lundy Bancroft book Why Does He Do That?  He was a real rapist, a verified grade-A bad fuckin’ guy.  (She was lucky to escape.  I have immense respect for her.)  And she wrote some fucked up fic to deal with it, and she shared it, and people were invested in it.  And because this was early 2000′s, she had to host it on a foreign server and cover her tracks, because at that time no-place was safe to post it.

“Yeah, but if she’s writing it for therapy, she doesn’t have to post it where other people might have to see it!” I hear you say.

But like … what the hell??? “Shut up, don’t talk about it, it’s bad to talk about these things, because these things are bad!” is something used against folks with trauma.

“This isn’t good for me, I can’t talk about this, I can’t be your audience for this,” that’s fine, those are boundaries that people with trauma use to defend themselves.  You should learn to say those things!  It will help you!

But expecting other people to never create and share art about trauma is just so thunderously oppressive I lack the ability to fully articulate it.

And nobody should have to disclose their history of trauma to prove their motives are pure or virtuous enough for their speech to be protected.  I’ve only really been able to openly say “I was assaulted, it was traumatic, I am a little fucked up from it” for the past couple of years, tops.  I couldn’t talk about it before that.  Couldn’t!  And it was over 20 years ago!

I also believe, very firmly, that you don’t need a history of abuse to find writing really messed-up shit satisfying, or to find reading it cathartic.  I believe 100% in the freedom of creative expression, and the freedom to read whatever fucked up shit you want to read.

All y’all fandom youngsters can spit nails all you want over gross rape fic, incest fic, whatever.

Fine, I don’t like it either!

But that fucked up shit?  That fucked up shit helped carve out the spaces we have today.  You don’t have to like it, but campaigning to get it deleted, harassing content creators, calling people rapists and pedophiles who have never done and would never ever do such a thing, that is not the way to improve the world, it doesn’t keep actual kids or teens or assault/rape victims safe.  It wouldn’t have made me feel safe when I was 16 and did’t want what was going on.  It doesn’t make me feel safe now.  I can say with the perspective of someone 24 years away from that event, it doesn’t make the world safer for people like I was.  It actually makes it worse.

Learn to steer clear of the messed-up stuff you don’t like.  It’s a skill, you get better with practice.  Have someone else vet stuff for you if you need help doing it now.

Everything that is sketchy and gross is not criminal, and writing about a thing is not morally the same as doing it.  Please stop acting like writing about an adult and a teenager having really questionable, gross sex is as bad as the actual registered sex offender they caught hanging around an actual elementary school two neighborhoods over from mine, just trying to talk to the kids.  The former is, at most, in poor taste, and potentially triggering to abuse victims.  The second makes me want to vomit because even though he was just talking, that guy was gearing up to try something and create another abuse victim.  A g a i n.  

The first can be avoided because it is imaginary and you, an adult, have power over your back button so that you don’t have to witness harm to imaginary people.  The second, those very real kids had to rely on real adults and real law enforcement to keep them safe from very real assault.  

(It worked!  The neighborhood rallied!  He was arrested for violating parole!)

Pretty sure Sleazebag McDongface didn’t read some gross NC-17 Draco/Lucius fic before deciding to harm an actual human being.  Pretty sure not having read it didn’t keep him from doing it. ‘Cause he fuckin’ did it.  And he would have done worse. But actual people stopped him.

I get wanting to protect victims when so many of us are victims ourselves, but man, going after fiction is not the way to do it.

An author is not a perpetrator.  Stop trying to make those things synonymous in the minds of other fans, and in the minds of other recovering victims.

(This isn’t really about the original topic.)

Also, reading fic that dealt with rape and consent helped my figure out that I was coerced into sex as a young teen. Until then, I just thought I’d done some really messed up play-acting. That it had been my choice.

There is definitely fic out there that is blurring the lines of what consent and rape are. That are pitched as love stories, but show things that are really unhealthy and awful. (I’m still for allowing such fic to exist.)

But there are a lot of others that depict horrible things, sometimes even for the titillation of their audience, and clearly show how those things affect their victims. That can help readers link their own past together in new ways.

Sometimes the stories aren’t even about the same issue the reader has.  I’ve read fic focused on rape that taught me new ways to cope with mental illness.

Finally, sometimes I hate myself so strongly I can only get through the day by reading about fictional people being hurt. Because I want to self-harm, or spew insults and belittlement at myself. A character I relate to can act as a stand in.


Anyways, I know it can be baffling and kind of freaky to know that people read fic about horrible, awful things. Since I’m fine with disclosing my issues, I thought I’d do my bit to demystify it a little bit. There are lots of reasons, but these are a few.

(And yes, I totally read Hydra Trash Party fic. Bucky’s lack of identity really resonates with my more dissociative moods.) 

Rewatching OHSHC with little brother

sunshineandsuperheroes:

It’s been a couple years since I’ve seen it, and I still basically love it and it’s still hilarious, but… I mean Hikaru and Kaoru’s twincest act always grossed me the heck out, so that hasn’t changed, but Hunny’s involvement in the host club is freaking me out so much this time around??

I mean I don’t think I really grasped the terms ‘lolita’ and ‘shota’ when I watched it before. He’s 18 so there’s that, but. It’s just. I mean. 

I’m having a really hard time with it

All the gen fans love Ouran and wonder why.

I do apologize about the reblog I just made to anyone struggling with relationships, who isn’t feeling like joking about it.

I’m aromantic-asexual. I actively attempted to AVOID a relationship. I was aggressively myself, because love wasn’t something super important to me, and I was able to be picky. Plus, attraction never blinded me to another’s faults or made my struggle with my convictions.

I don’t know what you guys are going through. I find my own relationship funny sometimes, but I don’t want to belittle your desires.

jessica rabbit is literally a sex symbol though she can’t be asexual?

bbb35:

livingdeadpoetssociety:

eliciaforever:

filledepluie:

smnius:

pixiebutterandjelly:

thefingerfuckingfemalefury:

mutantlexi:

commandertrevelyan:

feministxibalba:

accioharo:

horreurscopes:

she is in romo with a rabbit because he makes her laugh and aside from using her looks to get things out of people she literally never once shows interest in anything or anyone sexually through the entire movie and is clearly appalled when anyone makes advances towards her like there is canonical evidence that jessica rabbit from the classic motion picture who framed rogger rabbit is an asexual character  

I am here as fuck for this. Jessica Rabbit for new asexual icon.

“She can’t be asexual because she’s hot tho”

“I can only see her as a sexual object so I can’t imagine her not wanting to have sex with me.”

I’ve always remembered the line “I’m not bad, I’m just drawn that way” as Jessica’s admission that while sexualized, she isn’t inherently a sexual entity.

I mean hell, literally, her line before is “You don’t know how hard it is being a woman looking the way I do.”, to which Eddie responds; “You don’t know how hard it is being a man looking at a woman looking the way you do.”

I think that’s pretty damning evidence to her asexuality. The whole plot point with Jessica is how everyone is either convinced she’s sleeping with every human and toon around, or why does she stay faithful to Roger.

Who Framed Roger Rabbit does a great job at satirizing Hollywood/American culture and ideals when it comes to appearances. It also does a great job at hiding some really well thought out challenges to how we look at others in plain sight.

I completely believe that Jessica Rabbit is an asexual romantic (hetero/bi/pan/etc not sure, and to be honest, I don’t know if that part is important, as she’s married to the toon she loves).

I LOVE this headcanon ❤

This is important!

This headcanon is just so perfect I had to draw it

#JessicaRabbitForAsexualIcon

YES

YES

YEEEESSS

I haven’t seen this post in a thousand years and it’s gotten EVEN MORE EXCELLENT.

Roger’s idea of her cheating on him is her playing a clapping game with another man.

She is asexual.

I agree, a woman doesn’t need to have sex. And it doesn’t matter what she looks like, and the same with Roger. he’s a sweet guy, he loves Jessica, and that’s all they need. 🙂

jacksgreysays:

lyricwritesprose:

bubonickitten:

do you think we as a society can finally acknowledge that “this thing didn’t have a name until recently” doesn’t necessarily mean “this thing did not exist until recently” or (worse) “this thing doesn’t exist at all”

Let’s also agree that “this thing did not have an English name until recently,” does not necessarily mean it was nameless.

I was talking to my coworker (who is over three decades older than me) who is both my friend and kind of like my mentor to adulthood, and we got to the topic of significant others. I already came out to him as not-straight, which he was really cool about, thankfully, but I don’t know how much he understands about my sexuality.

He’s not like my relatives who are “you just haven’t met the right man yet” (or woman, for the more liberally minded relatives), but he does often say “maybe you’ll meet a woman you’re into, so until then you have to work on your social skills.”

He’s right about the second half–I do have social anxiety, though I’ve been trying to mitigate it by going to weekly tabletop rpg nights–and the first half isn’t nearly as presumptuous as what my relatives say, but I’m not sure if he quite makes the connection when I say I’m ace/aro.

I’ve explained before about finding people aesthetically pleasing, but not sexually compelling or “attractive.” Some people–yes, even guys, I’ll have to explain–are pretty, but that doesn’t mean I want a relationship with them. My coworker nods and says, “I was like that, too, before I met my wife.”

And I was dreading hearing about “finding The One” and “love at first sight” and “just knowing,” but instead he talked about how they became friends first. About how they had mutual friends who kept trying to set them up with each other on dates, but neither of them wanted to be forced into anything. He talked about how he finds other people “sexy looking" but doesn’t want to have sex with them and he doesn’t get aroused by them. He can acknowledge that certain features are more attractive to him, but because he doesn’t know that person it’s kind of just looking at a nice statue.

And all I could think was “oh, you’re demisexual.”

But I didn’t say it. Because labels aren’t for people to use on others, but for people to help identify themselves.

And even though he and I are friends I don’t want to tell him he’s something when he’s pretty comfortable with his identity already. And, frankly, how would that change his life anyway? He’s married with a kid, he’s not in the market for dating so his demisexuality doesn’t affect his everyday life.

But I have to wonder, if demisexual was a more popular term when he was my age, would he comfortably self-identify as such?

As a comfortably married aromantic-asexual with kids, I’d suggest it’s definitely possible. And it really could change his life.

Not that you should force labels on people. 

But I didn’t find my labels until after marriage and kids. And they really helped.


Yesterday I went to Cirque du Soleil and the aerial silk performers (who spin and twirl in the air on elastic fabric) were BROTHERS instead of a romantic couple. My labels gave me the words and concepts to explain,

both to myself and my companion, why the show was suddenly 300% more interesting.

Last year, when I was counselling a friend about her marriage, labels helped me figure out which experiences might be universal, and which ones i shouldn’t treat as expected. How to offer advice, and where I didn’t have a clue. Because my relationship with my husband is a lot simpler than many romantic ones are.

They free me to vent about Dumb Allosexual Culture, with people who get it.

Labels help my husband and I navigate the sexual parts of marriage, because that’s something that you work on your entire life.


Your sexuality affects most parts of your life, not just dating. 

Hey! I hope this doesn’t come across as insensitive, tone is weird over text, but I just saw your post describing being aromantic-asexual. I also know you have kids, and so I suppose I’m just curious about the story behind that. I guess I like hearing people’s stories. I’ve also read your About Me and I think you sound like a very interesting and compassionate person. Your life experiences are definitely way different from mine. I hope your day is going well!

I LOVE talking about myself and my family, this is a lovely
question.

(If you want a version without any allusions to sex, I can
quickly edit that out. Just let me know.)

Growing up, I had no interest in romance. Boy liked robots and cool
stuff, so I wanted to be friends with them, but I didn’t LIKE-like boys. I was
a good little Christian girl (I still am), and was taught not to have sex
outside of marriage, possibly no kissing until you get married, only date
(’court’) with the goal of marrying the person, etc. This all seemed very reassuring
to me. All the icky stuff could be left in the nebulous future.

A couple of guys asked me
out, but I told them I wasn’t ready and then sulked after finding out that’s
all they’d been interested in.

First year university, I went
to a few Christian group event things? One of them I brought my sister to.

This was Other Sister, and
she is AWESOME. She became part of our family right before her 18th
birthday. I was almost 17, but she lets me say I’m the eldest. She’s really
ADHD, and people get uncomfortable around her? This is because they’re DUMB and
don’t know how to have fun.

Anyways, there was a Boy, and
he played board games with us, and enjoyed my sister. These are good traits in
a friend. The next event, he walked with me while my sister ran ahead using her
coat as wings to fly. He thought she was cool. I started hanging out with him.

The first time he came to my
house we had a serious talk at the end about how it Was Not A Date and Gecko
Isn’t Ready To Date. He was okay with this. We had younger siblings (and later,
when I moved in with my aunt, cousins) hang out/chaperone us when we’d
otherwise be alone. Every 6 months he’d ask if I was ready to date and I’d say
no, ask again in 6 months.

After 3 years, it was pretty
clear that he was going to be heartbroken if I ever said ‘no’, instead of ‘not
yet’. He knew it was a possibility, and I know he wouldn’t have resented me, or
felt like I had been tricking him. But he was madly in love.

He was my best friend. I
could imagine kissing him and it seemed like it might be nice. Maybe? The
thought of living with him and getting to see him every day was really
attractive. I wanted him in my life always.

We talked about my anxiety,
and how we needed to go SLOW. He respected my religious boundaries (he’s also a
believer, but from a very different background). We dated for a year, and the
kissing WAS good. So was cuddling. (He couldn’t touch anything.) Then we got
engaged, I fled to my parents’ house to panic for 6 months, and we got married.

I continued to panic for the
next 6 months, as we figured out the physical stuff. Not natural for me, and not
something I would have chosen to do, but I enjoy it well enough now. Mild
positive. There’s cuddling involved, and that’s good. It’s like watching him
play video games – it makes him SO HAPPY and feel close to me; of course I
enjoy watching that joy.

I didn’t really discover
asexuality until after Tiny (my second kid) was born. But it’s been really
helpful in explaining other people. Why they’re weird and I’m not feeling the
same things as them.

I love the Husband SO MUCH,
but I’m not attracted to him. Or anyone. I’m still not sure what that even
MEANS. But the way I love him is similar to how I love my siblings – a closeness
and trust and enjoyment.

Anyways, we’re happy in our marriage.
I can’t imagine anyone better. He seems to agree. So that’s us.

I hope this was what you were
interested in hearing. And I didn’t talk about anything you’re uncomfortable
with.