Take a Sad Song and Make it Better – Part 5

satire-please:

Day 5 – Nightmares = The hurt/comfort drive is real.

It’s a bad night for Jason, good thing he’s not alone

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4


There’s dirt under his fingernails again.

His breathing shudders. A rattling thing too quick, his fingers shaking because it’s almost like he’s back there.

In his own grave.

With the pressed suit tailored too tight on him, strangling him. Where the wet, moldy smell of earth fills his nostrils and he screams.

And screams.

But no one comes.

Who’d come for a dead man anyway?

Jay kicks off his sheets and sweeps an arm over the nightstand, knocking every item to the floor. His water glass breaks and that’s good.

The destruction, the mess is better, better than–

Jay slaps the sides of his cheeks with his hands. Stay here you dumbfuck, you’re not there.

Yet his senses play tricks on him. The memories so heavy that phantom sensations wave in front of his eyes. He couldn’t move then, only squirm as he scratched the coffin cover. His hands bloody, half his nails gone because Bruce hadn’t scrimped. Had gotten the good stuff, the good mahogany. Jay reaches to squeeze his knees because they hurt, sting as like they did when finally, finally he found a weakness in that fucking box and rammed his legs through it. And that taste. That goddamn taste of decay and dirt every time he gasped and tore at the turf.

He doesn’t know how long it took to crawl to the surface.

But it took too long.

Keep reading

aphobic-soundwave:

aphobic-soundwave:

“if somebody becomes panicked when you accuse them of lying theyre obviously not telling the truth” shut up ugly im a survivor who got punished for shit i never did all the time of fucking course im gonna panic when im blamed for something i didnt do

since this post is actually getting attention rn i really want to emphasize this-

many of the “tells” of lying are traits commonly found in abuse survivors and mentally ill/disabled people.

stuttering, averting eye contact, panicking, raising your volume, fidgeting, and other similar traits are actions performed commonly by these groups, especially in situations of heavy stress- such as being accused of doing something we didnt do, especially if we are afraid of being punished for doing nothing.

im honestly begging people to think critically when accusing somebody of lying for small traits like these.

readableposts:

bisexualhenrycheng:

like there’s this whole thing in this book about how your brain grows stronger and healthier by practicing responding to stress in healthy ways,

because if a stressor is predictable and you feel a sense of control over it, you habituate and stop reacting to it,

but if it’s random and unpredictable you have the opposite response and become sensitized, so your reaction actually gets more and more extreme.

(if you hear a loud noise at predictable intervals you’ll soon stop noticing or reacting, but if you hear it at random intervals you’ll become sensitive to it and anxious.)

so one way to help people who have adverse reactions to reminders of trauma is to give them control over how they’re reminded of the trauma,

because it helps the brain practice responding to stress in a safe way so you can habituate to the stress response.

which is why if someone tags something for a trigger and you still choose to look,

it’s actually an act of healthy resistance against your reaction to that trigger (because it teaches your brain to habituate),

but encountering something triggering in a random and unpredictable way actually increases your stress response and makes you more sensitive to the trigger.

so people who are against trigger warnings because “you have to learn to cope” are actually taking away your tools for learning to cope,

because encountering stressors in a way that further strips you of control over your trauma is never, ever helpful.

it’s a lot of stuff i kind of knew but integrated and explained with more context and science

[spaces added and brief caps removed for accessibility]

Pidge and Lance with 127 or Nico/Victor with 65?

hulklinging:

127. “What are you listening to?” Pidge and Lance. Sleep issues and friendship. 1607 words.

“What are you listening to?”

It’s Lance, teasing already apparent in his voice. Like they’re back in the Garrison, and he’s gonna make fun of his weird little communications officer for believing in aliens.

Pidge thinks back, wonders if she could redo it if she’d laugh more and tease him back, or if she needed to be as closed off as she was, to get them to that roof, so they could watch Shiro fall.

Pidge thinks in code sometimes, how one missing semicolon can make everything grind to a halt. And fate isn’t really her thing, but there were so many things that could have gone wrong, so many places a semicolon could have gone missing, and then they wouldn’t be here, in space, fighting a war. She grits her teeth, because that kind of thinking is an exercise in uselessness, and because she didn’t pause the recordings she’s listening to when Lance walked in, and now she’s lost track of what’s happening.

Keep reading

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know that triggered you, I’ll never do it again.” Bruce and Clark

jerseydevious:

not necessarily what fits the prompt, but i do believe it works for your purposes? i hope you enjoy!

Dinah popped a jelly bean in her mouth. “What are we watching?”

Oliver was laying in her lap, thumbing through a magazine. Hal had constructed a fort of pillows on the floor beside them.

“Just scoot over,” Barry said. “Look, you’ve got like a solid five inches, there’s room for me.”

“No, I made this,” Hal said, stubbornly crossing his arms. 

Diana was propped in Oliver’s black leather recliner, still wearing her slightly smoldering armor, because nothing Dinah owned could reasonably fit her. Clark was in a similar position – the Kryptonian suit was still going through the process of knitting itself together, and the motion of the bands of alien fabric was oddly soothing. 

It had been a hard battle – Hal was holding an ice pack to a blackened eye, Barry resting a few bruised ribs, Diana was still wiping blood from a wicked cut on her shoulder, Oliver favoring his right arm. Bruce himself could feel the pounding pain in his knee and the wasted mess he called his right shoulder these days, a cracked rib that was making it hard to breathe that deeply. A hard battle, but a satisfying one. The exhausted burn of his muscles was pleasant, the treat of Oliver’s whiskey even more so.

“What are we watching?” Clark asked. “I could go for a movie.”

Bruce swallowed a groan – perhaps he should have taken his chance, and headed back for Gotham. 

“Dinah, babe, what do we have on the rack here?” Oliver asked, tossing aside his magazine, which landed squarely on Hal’s lap. 

“Better Home and Garden, Ol, seriously?”

“Twelve Angry Men, Metropolis, er, It Happened One Night, and I think Mark of Zorro?” Dinah replied, speaking over Hal. “You wanted to show me the brilliance of black and white movies.”

“If you make me sit through Twelve Angry Men again I’m going to punt you into the sun,” Hal growled. 

“Black and white movies? Aren’t those a bit – well, boring?” Barry asked.

Oliver jolted up so fast he knocked Dinah in the chin. “Boring? These movies are total masterpieces, have you even seen Metropolis – “

“The naming is unfortunate,” Clark quipped, which got a general laugh from the group of them, and safely diffused whatever tirade Oliver was ready to unleash. 

Diana leaned over to peer into the magazine Hal was now flipping through with an absent expression of disgust. “That’s a wonderful flower arrangement. Is there a broader selection of film?”

“Ah, no, we just brought them here for a weekend,” Dinah explained. 

Oliver winked. “It was a fun weekend.”

“Oh, gross,” Hal moaned, slapping him on the arm. “Just turn on Mark of Zorro. That’s a damn good movie.”

It was. It had been. The thing about the sudden strike of tragedy was that it threw every mundane detail before it into sharp relief, like the long cast of shadow against marble; he remembered the Mark of Zorro in every breath, every twitch of it. He remembered that movie, and the bloodbath that came after it, better than he remembered his parents, even.

“Oh, uh,” Clark fumbled with the edge of his cape. “Actually, I was kind of curious about – “

“Mark of Zorro,” Bruce growled, tipping back his glass. The whiskey burned nicely. He probably would have left for Gotham already, if not for the pleasure of Oliver’s whiskey. 

Clark eyed him, and Bruce gave him a short nod. The look on Clark’s read I know this is going to end badly, but I can’t stop you.

“I know admitting you and Hal like the same movie had to have caused you physical pain, but you could at least try not to say it like you’re doing your vengeance and the night bit,” Oliver said. “I might have peed a little. I didn’t even think you were still here.”

Hal groaned. “Don’t say it out loud, that makes it real.”

Dinah popped in the movie, and Oliver passed out bags of chips, and Hal staged a small rebellion and made a bowl of popcorn, which Clark and Barry immediately started stealing out of. Eventually, though, the movie got started, and Bruce found himself mouthing the words – that funny thing, about tragedy.

It occurred to him that this was a movie Jason would have enjoyed, once upon a time. Jason, as a kid, had been attracted to the same things Bruce had been – action, adventure, the wilder the better. Bruce pulled his phone out of his pocket, thumbed through his text messages; his conversations with Jason were short, mostly locations and the letter ‘k’, nothing of substance. He dropped it in his lap, tugged out his wallet, and and pried out the picture of Jay he kept by his side. It was well-worn, faded. It had seen a lot of love, over the years. He held the picture, let his thumb run over it, and downed the rest of his drink.

“Why can she not fend for herself?” Diana asked. “Lolita is important to the plot only as a love interest. And Inez is as shallow as Zorro pretends to be, but she has no character outside of that.”

Clark munched on popcorn. “The joys of the 1940s.”

“See, Diana, we need to get together and – ”

Oliver was interrupted by a concussive snore from Barry, who was drooling on Hal’s shoulder. For his part, Hal hadn’t seemed to notice the small ocean building up on his shoulder. 

The normality, the domesticity of it, made Bruce’s gut writhe like a python. In the next room, he told himself, there’s someone waiting who can end all of this – in the next room, down the next hall, a hop and a skip and a jump, the alleyway down. There is always someone waiting. 

Bruce dropped his glass on the floor, and stalked out of the den – Oliver’s condo in Seattle was modest, designed more like a cabin than the designated residence of a multi-billionaire. Bruce rather liked it, usually – it was tight and walled in, plenty of places to hide. Tonight, it meant more places for men like Joe Chill to disappear – and Bruce knew he wouldn’t be able to rest if he didn’t turn over every inch of the condo. 

He felt, more than heard, Clark come up behind him. 

“Save it,” Bruce snapped.

“I was going to offer to search the bedrooms, if you wanted.”

Bruce turned, studying Clark’s face – it was an earnest face, unsettling in its honesty. “You… can.”

Clark nodded, and disappeared. He came back after a minute – slow enough to let Bruce know he’d looked, but fast enough that he’d still have used super speed. The panic – the itch just beneath his skin – wouldn’t leave, like every time he turned about, something manifested in the long shadows behind him. It wouldn’t be the first time. 

He could hear the end of the movie – the fear, the one that was always there, mounted in his chest. When he’d come back from the alley that night, he’d been splattered in the gray matter that had once been his mother’s brain. He’d picked it out of his hair. His clothes hadn’t been much better – the knees of his pants were soaked with blood, his shirt splattered. He hadn’t known what to do with the clothes, so he’d tucked them beneath his bed, and one day about a year later he’d come home to find Alfred, head bent, shoulders shaking, holding the pile of clothes in his lap – 

He was outside, Clark next to him. The bench was cold, bitterly so – that night in the alley had been blazing hot. The blood had felt like liquid fire. 

“You’re always right, aren’t you,” Bruce whispered. 

“I’d like to get a tape of you saying that, if it’s not too much trouble.”

Bruce pressed his palms into his eyes. “It’s – it’s a movie. It is a movie, and nothing else.”

Clark didn’t say anything, and Bruce cut his eyes at him. 

“What? I’m not gonna tell you that you’re wrong.”

“Well, you just did.”

“Only because you already knew I was going to disagree. Bruce, you’re not – you’re not a tank, right? You can’t try and force your way through everything, You can’t – I don’t know, put more armor on top and expect it to be fine.”

Bruce studied his hands. “Clark. Stop making sense when I’m tired and drunk.”

“I don’t know, I like hearing you admit I’m always right.”

kiragecko:

I was talking to heartslogos about Jason being cute, which I turned into a discussion about Countdown and his cuteness in it. And I had a THOUGHT.

Jason is sweet and very different from other portrayals of him post-death in the first half of that series. And then he starts turning more into the kind of heartless version other people have written in the last issues. And I couldn’t really figure out why. I chalked it up to maybe a different writer and I didn’t LIKE it.

But, you see, there’s a point in Countdown where (-SPOILERS-) Jason fakes going to the other side and killing Donna. The pretend murder is pretty painful for Donna, and she isn’t impressed. (-END SPOILERS-) 

Jason seems to expect Donna to be fine with what he did. Instead she’s angry with him and yells at him for ‘always being a jerk’. And she makes a mean joke or two with Kyle, who Jason has a mutual dislike and rivalry thing going on with, over the next few days and refuses to talk to Jason. 

Jason is sulky and kind of resigned to this. I didn’t think to much of it, other than reminding myself that Donna is allowed to be less than a saint all the time. But it’s after that that Jason starts acting different.

In the first part of the series, Jason is acting somewhat like he did before he died. And he obviously ADORES Donna, remembers her from before his death, and trusts her. His defenses aren’t up around her. This might be how Jason is when he isn’t dealing with his feelings of abandonment and betrayal.

But it doesn’t take much to get his walls back up. Just Donna not seeing his good intentions one time. And then he feels he needs to preform. Be his big bad self again, who doesn’t need anyone or care about anyone. He takes off on Apokalips and again the second they get home. He stops trying.

It’s really sad, but I guess it makes a lot of sense. He’s almost certainly always braced for rejection, it’s one of his major sensitive spots.

BUT, this opens up possibilities! We could see more cute Jason with some of the other Titans he liked! Him being a cutiepie around Kory is actually kinda likely! I could see him listening to and respecting Roy. He CAN still trust people! They just need to be very, very careful with that trust.

every time someone goes through my archives and likes things I fall in love with my old posts again. And since Victoriousscarf gave me Jason + preboot!Roy feels, I’m relating to this post pretty strongly again.

Also, this is a reminder that before his death tiny Robin!Jason interacted with the Teen Titans THREE whole times, each for several days. 

  • He got along REALLY good with Donna. 
  • Roy and him warmed up to each other pretty quickly. 
  • He was a bit too focused on Kory’s chest, but otherwise they liked each other. 
  • And he REALLY DID NOT LIKE HAWK/HANK HALL.
  • Wally interacted with him but it wasn’t interesting enough for me to remember. Wally was probably a bit of a jerk and acted superior? I have Wally issues.
  • Garth seems to have been there at least once? Looking at the panel and still don’t remember this. Edit: Oh, yeah, he was so depressed he didn’t really do anything. But was there every appearance?
  • Jason also says ‘Hiya Jericho’ as he heads back to Gotham and Jericho arrives at the Tower!
  • Okay, Cyborg calls him “King of Squirts” and he calls Vic “Metalhead” and it’s adorable
  • Gar is also around
  • I don’t think he met Raven, but I may be wrong.

Anyways, the Titans all thought he was tiny and mostly thought he was cute. 

internationalspacehobo tumblr com/post/150311246644 I assume you’ve seen this-and if you have, did it influence your writing of disassociative!Bruce?

unpretty:

I’d never actually seen that! I, uh. Mostly base Billionaire Playboy Bruce Wayne on my own experiences dissociating? Which is that he’s still essentially himself but he gives no fucks and is down for whatever. He’s detached from his meatpuppet and he’s autopiloting like he’s playing the Sims, but with himself. He has no sense of things like his own personal space because he has no attachment to his person, and tasks that he might otherwise find unpleasant don’t give him any trouble because his sense of time-as-experienced is fucked. I mean everyone is different and so other people might have different experiences, it’s just that my experience dissociating is that while it’s happening I’m like “damn, this is so useful, why can’t I be like this all the time” (the answer is because that’s not how human brains are supposed to work and also you are as incapable of feeling joy as sorrow, but if you want to be useful more than you want to be happy and your brain is fucked by PTSD anyway then like…)

In my fics he generally lies as little as possible because then he doesn’t have to worry about keeping track of things; when he lies it’s because he knows there’s a ‘right’ answer to whatever is being asked, so he gives it. Like how when someone asks what’s on your mind, and even if they’re a cool bro and you’re in a safe space you’re just gonna be like “oh lol I was just spacing out” because you know that “I was vividly imagining the sensation of getting stabbed under my chin with an awl” is not a thing that people say in Civilized Society. Except in Bruce’s case it’s more like he says “what’s the deal with the plan to save Han from Jabba’s Palace” instead of “how can I stop Scarecrow from poisoning the water supply”.

He also doesn’t talk to therapists or play revealing braingames like that, just generally. He’s well aware that he’s fucked in the head, but he has no real interest in doing anything about it because at this point he considers himself useful and functional and he’d rather not risk compromising that. In general the bar for mental health is “you should be living, not just functioning” but as far as he’s concerned if he actually tries to do anything more than function he’ll be a useless meatsack full of things like ‘feelings’ and ‘a desire for comfort’ and ‘yearning for happiness’ and ‘a general preference that he not be in life-threatening situations’. So he just pretends he’s doing better than he is so no one tries to help him and he doesn’t have to try to explain that he doesn’t want to be helped.

When he’s Batman he doesn’t have to worry about seeming like a functional member of society, and in general any kind of serious exercise grounds him more in his body, and once you throw adrenaline into the mix it’s not really an option to be anything but completely present. It’s less “Batman is the real man” and more “Batman is wearing a literal actual mask which is a lot easier than maintaining a metaphorical mask”.

tl;dr instead of going for “everyone thinks he’s a shallow asshole but he’s actually a good and serious genius” I’ve gone more for “everyone thinks he’s a well-meaning airhead with depression but he’s actually a well-meaning polymath with a brain permanently rewired by untreated PTSD”

This is FASCINATING.

My dissociating really slows down my reaction time and I lose the filter that stops me from verbally eviscerating myself. It wouldn’t be too helpful for playing Brucie.

How does he handle not being able to properly access risk? Wouldn’t there be the temptation to make a joke about all his secrets just because people’s faces would be funny? Or is that one of my symptoms that aren’t universal?

I definitely see how the ability to DO stuff would make it useful. And most of the people Brucie interacts with aren’t people he likes, anyways.

It would definitely explain part of why his kids HATE Brucie so much. Even if I’m just sitting at my computer, my kids pick up that I’m not really here. Tiny gets really clingy and demanding, trying to make me engage again. The Husband gets angry, because I joke instead of answering questions.

This is a really interesting interpretation, unpretty. I want to both argue with you and immediately start exploring all the ways this changes and reinforces canon. That’s a good sign.

Reminder for the July 4th weekend

lysikan:

autisticeducator:

Your neighbors who are autistic, have SPD, veterans and others with PTSD/anxiety/other mental illnesses triggered by loud sounds wish for their neurotypical neighbors to be respectful regarding the use of fireworks. If you insist on setting them off at home rather than going to one of the numerous public fireworks displays that most towns host every single year, please keep in mind that:

•Your neighbors listed above cannot help that fireworks trigger them either sensory and/or mentally.

•Try to keep the display short.

•Don’t be shooting off the fireworks all night long. That’s just rude to begin with. Some people actually have to go to work or other places the next day. I am one of those people.

•Try to not shoot them off in the middle of the night. 9 pm is reasonable. 1 am is not reasonable.

•If you can tell your neighbors in advance that you will be shooting off fireworks during a given time, that is actually very helpful. It lets us prepare for them. I know my neighbor shoots his off around 10 pm each year, so I make sure I am inside and doing a calming activity.

Please and thank you.

kipplekipple:

thatdiabolicalfeminist:

stimmyabby:

when you go from a bad situation into a better one you may collapse exhausted and unsure what to do and full of grief, you may need time to regain the ability to do things as yourself or motivated by anything other than terror, you may need time to process or mourn or fall apart in ways you could not before,

and people may use this as proof that the old situation was better for you, proof that you need to go back, and it is not proof that it was better for you or proof that you need to go back

!!!

It’s so incredibly common to “fall apart” when you’re finally safe. You no longer need to stay so tightly coiled in on yourself, you can finally leave survival mode and process your trauma. You’re not holding yourself up by sheer terror anymore and suddenly the damage that terror has done to you becomes immediate and obvious. 

This is so important. Don’t go back. Things are already getting better, even if it doesn’t feel that way.