it is because i am a much cuddlier person than steve. steve likes to wear skintight tshirts and is made of 98% granite carved in the shape of muscles. (the remaining 2% is freedom) i am made of murder and layers of knitwear with a leather jacket over top. plus an undetermined quantity of knives. but still. much cuddlier. its why my stabbing habit is such a tragedy
this meeting is really boring so i got steve to make me a little drawing. i didnt tell him what it was for. i did the labelling
that really still moment you get right before you let the arrow go
seeing a bigot assume steve will agree with them and then watching them wilt like old lettuce under the concentrated force of justice and righteous disappointment
I was thinking about that question Seb got asked at Wizard World about how Bucky was making money in the two years before Civil War no Mackie he was not a dancerand consider this:
Bucky as a cook.
scary-good with knives
never needs an order repeated / never fucks one up
working through his ‘automatic-obedience’ trauma in a low-stakes environment
hidden away from the public / less chance of being spotted
using the supersoldier!stamina to stay on his feet for hours without flagging and the grace to move around the kitchen like a dancer
telling the other staff he has a badly burned arm/hand (which is why he’s shy and has to wear a glove all the time)
picking up red-hot pans/handling hot food without getting burned because he’s using his metal hand
getting the habit of wearing his hair up in a bun (or in a hairnet!!)
learning to enjoy food again
(aka, how he got thicc)
because the Winter Soldier only ever ate to replenish energy or was force-fed through a tube
going to the market for good produce for the restaurant (plums!!)
being an uppity restaurant-patron’s worst nightmare when they make the mistake of asking to see the Chef.
sorry but – Bucky starts watching this guy’s videos on youtube, his face is never shown and Bucky’s sure there’s a little bit of post-production work screwing with his voice but he has great videos – and he’s sure the guy is former army or something, he’s definitely been around, there’s some very distinctive knifework going on – it’s years later when he’s in Portland eating what is the best fucking burger of his life that he realizes who made it and dashes into the kitchen – the chef instantly positions himself between Bucky and his staff, knife at the ready – ‘I am your biggest fan, can I cook with you?’ – Bucky gets tazered by a blonde dropping on him from the ceiling – best burger ever
unexpected bonus of hearing radios with my hearing aids is that cabbies are very well informed about traffic patterns
unexpected drawback is that if linda on the 34th floor of the building next to ours doesnt stop yelling at her housekeeper over the intercom system im gonna go redecorate her damn precious living room myself
as a sidenote i am completely in awe of marisols ability to say scathingly sarcastic things in spanish while making her tone sound totally subservient nat i think we should recruit her
i have learned that the correct verb is smash. and i meant the scientists that made pluto not a planet but Dr banner has strong opinions on the topic. i also have strong opinions. it just turns out that his are stronger. and greener.
Concept: Some jackass shows Bucky how to make a blog and it becomes really popular. Not because it’s the blog of James Buchanan Barnes, American Legend, War Hero, Infamous Assassin, Alleged Terrorist. Nobody even knows it’s his blog. It gets really popular because people think it’s a really great shitpost generator or something. Because Bucky is just a Weird Fucking Person and everything he posts on his fucking personal blog comes off as somewhere between dril and Jaden Smith and people are like “this is some quality garbage right here” and thus Accidental Memelord Bucky is born.
Bucky posts things like
“What is wrong with bananas. I ate a banana today and it was Wrong. America why”
“Every time I put on my eye makeup it gets bigger. My whole face is eyeliner now.”
“Why does friendship feel so much like punching”
“When I wake up in the middle of the night I am either thinking ‘who am I? does my life have meaning?’ or “did I already eat all of the plums?’”
“Why are you so grumpy” they ask me. they do not realize this is just my Face.”
“I know i said i would give my left arm for a cup of coffee but i am more awake now and i would like my arm back please”
“I guess I must have done something horrible in a past life. I mean. I definitely did something horrible in this life, so. “
OMG I LOVEEEE
YEEESSSSSSS!
“Guy in front of me won’t move his car seat up. I think that might still be upset about all those times I tried to kill him.”
“Got lectured by a guy who had been complaining about how things were Back In The Day. I don’t understand why he got upset. I too lived through the Great Depression and was drafted for the War.”
“The economy in this century sucks. Who exactly though another Stock Market crash was a good idea?”
“Apparently, it was Rude™ of me to pitch in my two cents on a conversation I happened to overhear, despite agreeing with them. On an unrelated note, I am no longer allowed in the ceiling vents.”
“‘If you don’t behave we’ll send (mutual) after you.’ Jokes on them. I’m the one who trained to be an assassin in the first place.”
“Tried to buy a Chicken Dinner candy bar at the supermarket today. Turns out they were discontinued 54 years ago. Super bummed.”
“Wait. People were on the moon?! We got into space? There is a way off of this rock?! Why am I only just hearing about this?!”
“’Have you been living under a rock the past 50 years?’ No I was cryogenically frozen for 70. I don’t appreciate your tone young man.”
“My friend likes convincing people that I’m the Reckless one in our friendship. As if he won’t find an alley behind a bar to pick a fight in if I take my eyes off him for two seconds.”
kiragecko 