Tag: asexuality

is your blog safe for asexuals/aromantics?

sohotthateveryonedied:

forwhateveryouwant:

FUCK YES

Also while we’re on the topic I really like the idea of Tim or Jason being ace or aro. Thoughts anyone?

RAISE YOUR HAND IF YOU’RE HERE FOR ASEXUAL JASON TODD BECAUSE I KNOW I AM

For some reason, I pretty strongly believe Jason should be alloromantic. (Other people with other headcanons don’t bother me at all, of course.) But asexual Jason is actually a pretty cool idea.

I’ve written several times about aro/ace Tim. I like him aro/ace, I like him with trauma making sex complicated, I like him wanting to wait until he feels ready. There are so many possibilities for him!

anagnori:

Lots of other folks have been saying this but I figured I’d add some visuals. This one’s in honor of all the aromantic non-ace-spectrum folks.

(Image 1: A circle labeled “asexual spectrum,” containing a smaller circle labeled “aromanticism.” The image is captioned “No.”

Image 2: A circle labeled “asexual spectrum,” overlapping with a different circle, labeled “aromantic spectrum.” The area of overlap is labeled “aro aces.” The image is captioned “Yes.”)

lesbiangender:

wild idea here but… instead of pushing this idea that teenagers can’t be asexual bc they’re children and not wanting sex is normal, how about “if you identify as ace as a teenager but later realize you just didn’t want sex bc you were a kid and stop identifying that way, that’s okay” and realizing that doesn’t mean no one can know they’re asexual as a teenager and stop maybe telling asexual teenagers that they’re too young to be ace bc that’s really weird given that teenagers are cetainly capable of being non-asexual also you totally can’t decide something like that for someone else

Also, it’s not the not wanting sex that’s generally cluing us in to the fact that we’re different. It’s the CRUSHES everyone else gets. The attraction. The preoccupation.

My son’s in grade one and already talking about the girl he’s going to marry. When I was 21 I still struggled with how I was going to get the kids I wanted, because relationships were SO uninteresting.

(There are alloromantic aces and allosexual aros who do get crushes. I’m not saying this is universal. And sometimes people want other aspects of relationships other than the romance/sex.)

About a week ago, @alloverthegaf, was talking about how
confusing it was to want relationships, but also be turned off by them. I’ve
been thinking about that a lot.

I’m aromantic-asexual (don’t experience romantic or sexual
attraction). I’m not sure how much of that orientation is an essential part of
me, and how much is shaped by my experiences. In the same way, I’m not sure how
much akio/lithoromantism (feeling romantic feelings, but only in the abstract,
or if they aren’t reciprocated) is shaped by experiences. I don’t think it
really matters. All three labels might resonate with you, or maybe the feelings
associated with one (or more) are more like a trap you don’t want to define
you.

(Note: I compare identity and trauma here. If discussion of mental health and sexual/romantic identity together is upsetting to you, this might not be safe to read.)

Relationships have a lot of components. Discomfort or fear
can come different sources. Sometimes it can be helpful to examine your
emotions and feeling about these individual parts:

Friendship – Do you have trouble forming bonds with people? Don’t
really enjoy their company? Tend to drift away from people easily or often?

Trust – Is it hard for you to believe other people? Are you
always worried about what others think of you? How are you at being vulnerable?

Commitment – Are you comfortable making promises, being
relied on to help with long term goals, or being unable to change plans without
someone else’s input?

Physical proximity – do roommates drive you crazy? Does the
idea of having to share a bedroom, or see someone EVERY DAY, make you anxious?

Sex – Do you fear, or are you disgusted by sex? Are you
worried about being pressured into something you don’t want to be? Do you feel
sex is necessary for love?

Romance – Do romantic gestures confuse you? Are you uncomfortable
with poetry, flowers, and big emotional displays? Do you feel like you’re doing
relationship wrong if you don’t like anniversaries?

I found romance a huge turn-off, trust and commitment terrified
me, and I ended up being neutral about sex. So, I got counselling for the trust
and commitment issues, found a guy who didn’t understand romance either, and
muddled through the sex until I figured it out.

For me, ‘lithoromantic’
isn’t a label I wanted, even though the idea of a relationship being
reciprocated terrified me. It wasn’t really me, it was about fear.. ‘Aromantic’
and ‘asexual’ were me, though. They weren’t things that made me feel broken, or
came up in therapy when I dealt with my issues. Yes, I was pressured into sex
by a peer as a preteen. But having issues doesn’t mean everything about you is
a disorder. My asexuality was a part of me long before my trauma.

You have to figure out for yourself what parts of
relationship aren’t for you. Some people don’t want sex because of trauma, but desire
to get to a place where they can enjoy it. Others never want sex, but feel that
their terror at making promises is harming them. Maybe you can be comfortable
in a relationship, but only with separate living spaces and a great deal of patience
as you learn trust.

The important thing, I think, is to figure out the why of
your feelings. Then you can decide what to embrace, what to reluctantly accept,
and what you want to work to change.

Note: I am REALLY not saying that these identities are mental issues. What I’m trying to say that relationships are confusing and different orientations can make them even more so. Also, mental health issues are common, lots of us have them, and they affect every aspect of your life. Learn to understand yourself and make things a little easier.

 (Also, therapy is the best thing ever.)

wittywallflower:

bmwiid:

omg

REblog if you are Asexual, support Asexuals, or spend most of your time actually thinking about Superheroes.

[Images show two men talking. Text:

1st Person: “You know, just the lack of feeling a sexual attraction and a need for sex is all that asexuality truly is.”

2nd Person: “So if you’re not thinking about sex, what are you thinking about?”

1st Person, hand behind neck in discomfort: “It always depends. I mean, I suppose most of the time I’m actually thinking about superheroes.”

End ID.]

How do you tag ace pairings? I have a lot but i don’t want to disappoint people who are here for smut.

ao3commentoftheday:

use the & to denote a ship is platonic

use / to denote a ship is romantic/sexual 

[I remember this because that’s where “slash fic” gets its name]

If you’re worried, I’d make it clear in the summary as well. A lot of people don’t know about the difference in the two ship tags. But for the record? There are a lot of people out there who love fic without smut 🙂

There doesn’t need to be sex for it to be romantic. Domestic fluff is also in the tag. ‘/’ Applies to relationships even if they involve an asexual or aromantic character.

If someone involved is aromantic-asexual (like me), or if the relationship is queerplatonic, I can see that sometimes the line might blur. Still use the slash, though. 

My marriage is a relationship worth a ‘/’, even though I am not romantically or sexually attracted to my spouse. (9 years of marriage, 2 kids, and a ridiculous amount of love.)

The thing is, most people don’t use ‘&’ tags. So you’re more likely to severely disappoint a gen-fan excited to finally see something in their tag, only to find it IS romantic. 

{Image shows a male anime character with a hand raised towards a yellow butterfly. The butterfly is labeled, “clear expression of romantic interest.”

The hand (or possibly he’s speaking?) is labeled, “is this a platonic statement?”

The character himself is labeled, “my oblivious ass.”

End ID.]