guess what, it’s time for another episode of Weird Biology! today we’re going to learn about a creature that looks like a stained-glass window, but stalks the oceans with toxic might powered only by the wind like a sailing ship of old.
that’s right, it’s the devil’s own shopping bag-
the name is almost longer than the animal.
The Portuguese Man o’ War is a floating jellyfish relative called a Hydrozoan. it was named after the 18th century sailing ship, apparently by a blind person. “oh, it looks like a sailing ship under full sail” no it doesn’t, shut up. it looks like a rogue walmart shopping bag that blew into the Atlantic and makes a living by strangling innocent sea turtles.
but like the aforementioned plastic bag, the Man o’ War uses its lovely blue-purple air sac to catch the breeze. it wanders in groups through the warm waters of the Atlantic, driven along by the wind and tides. kind of poetic, really.
as long as you don’t look underwater, anyway.
I’m about to ruin it for everybody, hang on.
like so many other things in life, it’s not what you see on the surface that’s important but what is underneath that counts.
in this case, what’s underneath is up to 165 feet of venomous tentacles. it’s like that thing they say about icebergs, where you only see the top 10% and the rest is an invisible ship-killing nightmare? it’s exactly like that.
except with poison tentacles.
the Man o’ War is basically a biological fishing trawler, trailing these stupidly long tentacles like a fine mesh net through the water. and when an innocent fish who probably has a family at home comes into contact with this “net”, specialized cells called Nematocysts are triggered to fire tiny poison harpoons into the victim, causing instant death or paralysis.
the tentacle then reels itself upward into the body of the Man o’ War like a fishing line, dragging its helpless victim upward to be digested.
so, uh, actually not like a fishing trawler then, not like a fishing trawler at all.
unless the fishing trawler was designed by Junji Ito.
though the Man o’ War may look like a jellyfish, it’s definitely not. in fact, it’s not even a single animal! it’s actually four separate organisms jammed into a venomous trenchcoat like three best friends trying to sneak into an R rated movie.
“how the fuck even”, I hear you say. and that’s a valid question! it’s not everyday that we discover that what we thought was a single animal is actually four smaller animals living communally to form a larger, more dangerous animal. it would be like discovering that opossums are actually comprised of 17 rats each.
no word on if they do a silly dance and tap their fingers together to fuse or what though.
in the Man o’ War’s case, these four individual kinds of “polyps” that comprise the complete final form are the air sac polyp (gets the gang around), the digestive polyp (converts murdered fish into energy for the whole gang), the reproductive polyp (makes small clones of each individual gang member), and the tentacle polyp (murders things indiscriminately for the sheer joy of it).
that’s right, the tentacles are a separate animal! you might be wondering if they sometimes come loose, wander off, and just sting people/animals randomly when they drift into populated areas. what a silly question!
yeah, happens all the time.
SHIT.
while rarely fatal, Man o’ Wars stings can seriously injure humans. this is a big problem in areas where Man o’ Wars are common, because storms and predators can knock the tentacles right the fuck off. the tentacles drift away, only to wash ashore and sting a hapless beachgoer weeks later. that’s right, rogue tentacles can still sting for days or weeks after separation! even if the Man ‘o War is beached! isn’t that neat! fuck!
the discovery of a beached Man o’ War usually closes the entire fucking beach, for this reason. would YOU want to go fuck around in the sand if it might be full of over a hundred feet of poison spaghetti too fine to notice with the naked eye?
if the answer is yes, I have great news about a bridge I’d like to sell you.
if all this information upset you, I’d like to offer my deepest condolences. but buckle up for one last upsetting fact, and here it is: Man o’ War are spreading.
usually restricted to warm waters, climate change has driven the Man o’ War as far north as Great Britain. that’s awful awful awful news for any country that touches the Atlantic ocean, which is lots of them.
luckily, we have dependable allies in this fight: sea turtles and the Mola Mola! (which I’ve written about before) unfortunately just about all we can do at this point is to cheer these awesome devil-balloon-munchers on from the safety of shore, while trying to invent a Man o’ War-proof barrier net.
for now, watch out for anything that looks like a floating plastic bag.
and for god’s sake, watch where you step.
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thanks for reading! you can find the rest of the Weird Biology series here.
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IMAGE SOURCES
img1- National Geographic img2- The Garden of Eadon img3- Sean Nash img4- Enrico Villa img5- livescience.com img6-
diply.com
img7- Daily Mail img8- Sun Sentinel
These lil hoes are in Galveston too
this is so dramatic. they’re called blue bottles and yeah they sting pretty bad and can cause severe stomach pain and the venom gets into your lymphs and that sucks but it goes away in 30 minutes. they’re not gonna close a beach over it lol
hey guys! I’ve been seeing a lot of responses like this on my post, and I just wanted to clear up a few misconceptions that I didn’t cover in my post, whoops
THE ATLANTIC MAN O’ WAR AND THE AUSTRALIAN BLUEBOTTLE ARE NOT THE SAME SPECIES.
You know what fantasy writing needs? Working class wizards.
A crew of enchanters maintaining the perpetual flames that run the turbines that generate electricity, covered in ash and grime and stinking of hot chilies and rare mushrooms used for the enchantments
A wizard specializing in construction, casting feather fall on every worker, and enchanting every hammer to drive nails in straight, animating the living clay that makes up the core of the crane
An elderly wizard and her apprentice who transmute fragile broken objects. From furniture, to rotten wood beams, to delicate jewelry
A battle magician, trained with only a few rudimentary spells to solve a shortage of trained wizards on the front who uses his healing spells to help folks around town
Wizarding shops where cheery little mages enchant wooden blocks to be hammered into the sides of homes. Hammer this into the attic and it will scare off termites, toss this in the fire and clean your chimney, throw this in the air and all dust in the room gets sucked up
Wizard loggers who transmute cut trees into solid, square beams, reducing waste, and casting spells to speed up regrowth. The forest, they know, will not be too harsh on them if the lost tree’s children may grow in its place
Wizard farmers who grow their crops in arcane sigils to increase yield, or produce healthier fruit
Factory wizards who control a dozen little constructs that keep machines cleaned and operational, who cast armor to protect the hands of workers, and who, when the factory strikes for better wages, freeze the machines in place to ensure their bosses can’t bring anyone new in.
Anyway, think about it.
Construction wizards to turn back time to root out wood worm and strengthen old buildings.
A wizard tailors who transmutes cloth into fully made clothes without seems and leaving behind no scraps
A wizard who works in public transit, timing out teleports with detailed schedules, time magic, and enchanted communications, sending dozens of people to far away cities for a day or work or leisure
A team of wizard gardeners tend to trees grown far outside their native range, and ideal climate, encircled with runes and fed potions to grow none the less
A wizard sits in their office in the aqueduct, re-casting the spells that allow its precious water to flow to the city uphill
A wizard fisher casts water repelling spells on the sailors and the stairs, keeps the hoist on the anchor from rusting, casts balls of heat that keep everyone warm below decks. Their real job is to herd fish together so they can be caught in single huge nets, and keep them cold as the boat returns to land.
There are so many possibilities outside of “stodgy academic who wears ugly robes” and “Very good holy man who helps everyone and the fact they’ve never had a job is never brought up” and “evil wizard toiling away on great evils in his evil tower in the evil country.”
Wizards who come out and ward your home for you, like the magical equivalent of a home security system.
School cafeteria wizards, transmuting cheap ingredients into as nutritious and varied of meals as they can
janitors levitating garbage from around the room to fly into bags, separating by type. They pause long enough to show an elementary student the motions to use – the kid doesn’t have the gift, but still excitedly mimics the janitor as they clean ‘together.’
social workers coming to schools and giving out charms bracelets to all the students. They send out an automated message to 911 if the child is injured and then replay the minute before the injury. All kids are required to wear them, though there are alternatives if they cause sensory/allergy issues.
clothing brands that only make one size and design, and then selling charm packs of different options that the local tailor can modify it with for a minimal fee
Concept: a robot character who’s just, like, hilariously nonchalant about physical peril because their “body” is a teleoperated drone and their mind is safely ensconced in a basement server room several miles away.
(Well, most of the time. Their usual body is disposable 3D-printed crap. They have a “good” body they bring out for special occasions, and they’re much more cautious when using that one – not in the “pain hurts” way, but in the “I’m wearing a really expensive pair of shoes” way.)
Everyone who reblogged this needs to go read Ancillary Justice by Ann Leckie, which is about a very lovely ship who once controlled thousands of bodies suddenly having to live in just one.
Also The Scorpion Rules by Erin Bow. The world is ruled by an AI who’s the sassiest sassmonster I’ve ever met and is almost EXACTLY the scenario described above.
Heian Period Social Hierarchy (Ritsuryo) – Male Court Rankings
(The chart is easiest to read from left to right.)
During the Heian period, Japanese society was divided into two broad social classes: the lower classes (senmin) and upper classes (ryoumin). Within the senmin class, there are five sub-classes.
The highest of the lower classes, the ryouko, are dedicated servant families to the Imperial family, often as the guards of Imperial tombs. They would be serving individuals with the rank of Emperor, Crown Prince, and Prince. Underneath are the kanko, who were families dedicated to running the public ministries too menial for the ryoumin. Beneath them were the kenin, who were often the servants of high-ranking families beneath the Imperial family, who would be of the First to Ninth Ranks. Under them are the kunuhi, families whose members were hereditary slaves to the Imperial Court or the Public Ministries. Lastly, the shinuhi are families whose members were hereditary slaves to families of the ryoumin classes.
The majority of what is known about the Heian period is known about the ryoumin, or upper, classes. The lowest of the upper classes, the zakko, are miscellaneous houses of nobles or former nobles. The shinabe were the craftsmen and artisans. Koumin were the average free citizens of the realm. Kanjin are the government officials who possess one of the nine Heian court ranks. Lastly, at the top of the pyramid, is the kouzoku, which is the proper name for Emperor and his extended family and concubines.
The chart begins to expand with the kanjin class. Broadly speaking, the majority of these class members can be classified as kuge, or aristocrats. However, they are generally divided into 3 classes of kuge. Kuge who possess court ranks nine (a.k.a. initial rank) to six are called jige, or menial aristocrats. In the eyes of most kuge, the jige aren’t considered actual members of the nobility. The offices to which members of the jige ranks are assigned are largely empty, ceremonial positions with little to no real impact on the happenings within the Imperial Court.
Courtiers holding the fifth and fourth ranks are called tsuki, or lesser aristocrats. Among the kuge, they are considered true nobles, but of houses of lesser importance. These courtiers are known as those with “court access” because they regularly appear at all major court events. Their ranks are also tasked with real jobs that have regular impact within the Imperial Court. The kizoku, or true aristocrats, are the highest ranking nobles under the Imperial family and exclusively possess court ranks from three to one. These ranks populate the highest levels of the government bureaucracy and these families are often minor branch families of the Imperial family line.
Under the Court Ranks & Positions, it details all the positions at court along with the colors that they would have worn on their “ho,” or outer robe, of their “sokutai,” or full court dress ensemble, or of their “ikan,” or informal court dress ensemble. The Japanese name is of each color is in parenthesis.
The Window Socket offers a neat way to harness solar energy and use it as a plug socket. So far we have seen solutions that act as a solar battery backup, but none as a direct plug-in. Simple in design, the plug just attaches to any window and does its job intuitively.
Designers: Kyuho Song & Boa Oh
I’m on mobile so the last thing won’t load but I’m gonna bet everything that it’s the squid ward “future” thing
She doesn’t know it yet, but she will soon. You see, the midterm paper on calls for students to write a collection evaluation for a library of our choosing. Now, I know that when she said that library does not need to be real, she meant that we didn’t need to pick a specific one. But what I heard was…
For those of you requesting the full paper, I’ll see what I can do once I get the grade back!
I’M SO GLAD YOU ASKED
For the sake of this evaluation, only the official, present collection of the Unseen University will be examined. Collections belonging to other libraries that are accessible via L-Space will be considered as part of the Interlibrary Loan System, as will materials available by time-travel and other such means.
Relatedly:
Whether or not acquiring books that have not yet been written is a violation of copyright law has yet to be legally clarified, but faculty and students should not expect to be permitted to cite them in their own work (see also Library Rule 3: Do Not Interfere With The Nature Of Causality).
I’ll open this up to the blog because I’m a fluff/comedy/smut writer myself so I don’t have a lot of knowledge of what is and isn’t tagged.
A safe bet would be to tag anything relating to violence or abuse like you said, and probably things like drugs and alcohol.
Blog? Please reply/reblog with resources or suggestions. If you’re reblogging, please also tag of course 🙂
I looked through the tags and am summarizing them here. A lot of these are @acemindbreaker‘s, I’m just organizing differently so my brain understands better.
Now edited to include @weareagentsofnothing’s addition. I’ll continue to edit as I see suggestions/think of things, but I probably won’t reblog every time.
kiragecko 