hello, are you aware you’ve sent me the most amazing possible ask? let’s just consider what Bruce’s must look like to people who don’t Know about the Batman thing
- okay, so. let’s start with Bruce. tragic orphan of beloved local rich people who died in a dramatic murder – obvious bait for the news cycle. the Gotham news cycle eat, sleeps, breathes, and shits the Wayne case for a while, and would kill to talk to little Bruce. Alfred VEHEMENTLY ensures that doesn’t happen, and keeps Bruce out of the public eye for as long as he can.
- he starts resurfacing as he hits puberty, though, because that’s when Bruce starts getting weird but hasn’t quite learned to hide it yet. to quote myself: “tragic teen orphan Bruce Wayne insists on increasing Wayne Enterprises philanthropic efforts, Wayne heir rumored to have been caught in raid on underground fight club, wild child Wayne heir spotted rappelling down Wayne Enterprises corporate headquarters ‘for fun.’”
- Bruce started picking up a reputation as a goodhearted but slightly stupid, thrill-seeking kind of kid fairly early on. he wasn’t displeased about this, since he knew he’d need a cover story when he became whatever it was he was going to become to bring justice to the city.
- however, he didn’t really become a News Magnet until he came back from college and started a.) taking a more active role in Wayne Enterprises and b.) having week-long publicity flings with a series of models and actresses to enhance his party boy image. (he was really overcompensating that first year.) he started playing up the stupidity, making quirky comments to reporters who ate it up. Generous But Naive Billionaire Bruce Wayne began to emerge.
- then he spontaneously adopted some acrobat boy whose parents got murdered in front of him and people WENT CRAZY. a 24 year old who was dramatically orphaned adopting a young child who was also dramatically orphaned out of the goodness of his heart? how precious!
- Dick also contributed to making the Wayne family popular subjects, because unlike Bruce, he wasn’t acting. he’s actually just that charismatic and camera ready. there are countless youtube clips of baby Dick Grayson, dressed in impeccable little suits, chatting away happily to reporters who are suddenly wondering if they can adopt him themselves. plus, you know, sometimes he’d start doing handstands on tables in the middle of charity events, and that’s always fun.
- then Dick hit puberty, was the star of his school’s gymnastics team, and became something of a local Teen Heartthrob™.
- and then Bruce Wayne adopts this whole-ass SECOND CHILD, some poor kid from right here in Gotham! what a nice guy! what a family man! ladies, is that an eligible bachelor or what???
- the local Gotham news stations take it as like. a personal affront that sweet Gotham boy Bruce Wayne is still single. the almost-wedding with Selina was the Event of the Year. Megan and Harry who? nobody in Gotham cares, that’s for fucking sure. there were nearly riots in the streets when it was called off. Bruce got letters of condolence from complete strangers.
- and. AND THEN. the second adopted son DIES MYSTERIOUSLY on a trip overseas??? which is when the Internet Conspiracy Nuts™ come out in force. what the fuck is that weird billionaire with no day job doing with these kids?
- Bruce doesn’t murder but whenever he stumbles onto one of those message boards he considers it.
- and then there’s a third!!! fucking!!! kid!!! where does he even keep finding them??
- “haha, man, Bruce Wayne adopts orphans like Batman hires new Robins” some chucklehead party-goer says while Tim sweats in the background
- and then. and THEN. the fucking headline to end all headlines. out of NOWHERE Bruce Wayne just. has a fucking ten year old son??? who’s snarky and serious and talks to everyone in way that’s vaguely aristocratic in its condescension. Gotham tabloids spend a good year and a half trying to pinpoint the mother and boy do they have some fucking candidates.
- Damian is as much as a natural for media exposure as Dick, although in totally different ways. he loves getting fawned over (although he pretends he doesn’t, because his siblings will never let him hear the end of it) and enjoys feeding them all wildly different stories for the drama of it all.
- not to mention there’s this, like, inexplicable gaggle of other teens who just??? materialize around Bruce? Barbara Gordon, okay, she’s the commissioner’s kid, she and Dick grew up together and everyone knows they’ve been a Thing. and the blonde girl who’s always shoving the hors d’oeuvres in her purse, right, that’s Tim’s girlfriend. but who’s the nice dark haired girl that doesn’t talk? the girl with the blue hair and the suits (who becomes an overnight hit on gay twitter)? the kid with the fade who seems as baffled as everyone else about being here? where do these kids come from
- honestly the people in the DC universe probably joke about Bruce’s adoption habit as much as we do here in our universe
- I wouldn’t say they’re celebrities, exactly, but the kids and especially Bruce are all Known, which can be… inconvenient, sometimes. Bruce can explain getting caught having lunch with, say, Diana Prince and Clark Kent – highly respected ambassador/advocate for women and respected journalist, sure – but who the fuck is Barry Allen?
- Dick has an unreal number of instagram followers because all he posts are videos of himself doing flips and mildly thotty selfies that are tolerable because they’re not SUPPOSED to be thotty? he’s always just like ‘went out for some morning coffee at the place across the street! I love it so much! have a great day everyone!!!’ followed by hundreds of people asking him to rail them. he pretends he doesn’t notice though his siblings have pointed it out 22,000 times.
- Tim is on twitter and has a reasonable number of followers. he’s verified, even though all he posts are (alternately) lengthy and intelligent political threads and shit like ‘if you can’t make your own endorphins then slamming five 5 hr energies for 25 consecutive hours of energy is fine’ at 3 in the morning
- for the record, I don’t think people know Jason is alive for the most part? he has all his social media under that name but given that Jason’s tweets mostly read like elaborate shitposts nobody really questions it
I died at “Tim sweating in the background.”
i forgot Cass isn’t a Wayne anymore and now sorrow. :[
No no, @whetstonefires! That isn’t what this is suggesting at all!* (See end for clarification)
The great thing is that NOBODY KNOWS that Cass is a Wayne. Cass is still pretty ambivalent about civilian identities. Being publicly a Wayne brings complicated rules she has no time for.
[Image shows page 14 of Batman: Gotham Knights 45, November 2003.
A social worker has come to interview the Wayne Family in a belated attempt to see if Bruce was guilty of Jason’s death. Dick has just finished being questioned and is reassuring Tim, who’s going next. Cass walks past them with a tea tray.
Tim: “You don’t – I mean – just how are we supposed to explain her? Cousin? Niece? Long lost sister?”
Dick: “None of the above. This is all about fathers and sons.”
Cass is pouring tea.
Mr. Desidero: “Thank you, Miss -”
Cass: “Cain.”
Mr. Desidero: “Didn’t I meet you once before?”
Cass: “Yes.”
Alfred explains: “Miss Cain was likely staying at the Manor during your previous visit, Mister Desidero. She’s a family friend of Mister Wayne’s.”
Mr. Desidero: “Just a friend?”
Cass: An ally.
Dick, watching: “Well, that went well.”
Tim: “Yup.”
Dick: “No suspicion at all.”
Tim: “Nope.”
Cass grins widely as she passes the boys in the doorway: “Truth sets you free.”
End of page.]
This is long before the adoption, but I think it fits her personality perfectly. What’s important is that SHE knows that she’s family. A secret inside joke that the outside world doesn’t get.
*Okay, your mileage may vary. It’s perfectly acceptable to be annoyed that Cass isn’t in everything ever, her name screamed to the heavens. (I also want this.) They should be talking about their sister/daughter ALL THE TIME.
In my personal opinion, this headcanon wasn’t counter to that desire. She should be in everything, but I’m fine with the outside DC Universe having NO CLUE that she’s always there. I think it would amuse her greatly.
I realize, at the beginning, I acted like you were wrong. You aren’t. This is all just my opinion.
kiragecko 